What is today anyway?

I like the blog thing. My intent was to use it as my tracking tool. My exercise has been sporadic lately, and my tracking even more so. Dave posted for help for me on a Tuesday night. I think I walked on Wednesday and then again on Thursday. I may have on Friday but can't account for it, I know I was at the school in the morning. Today is Monday and it's done.

The really important thing that has happened during the last few days, with Karen's help, is progress on the food/meal stuff. So, I've pretty much decided I have a food disorder of sorts. I don't know a name for it though. I have an aversion to food. But I always have, remember mom? I would wonder through the kitchen hungry with nothing "looking good" and then walk away. A good portion of my junior or senior year I slept through meal time. It just wasn't important.

The food I want takes too much effort to put together and my kids don't want it anyway. I refuse to be a short order cook, so they get fed and I walk away. Consequently, along with the effects of a year that rivals for "the most difficult year of my life," I'm depleted. That's a tough place to start. I feel like a child who needs to be tucked into bed in order to get enough sleep before morning, a child who needs to be made and fed breakfast in order to make it through to lunch, and reporting on this blog makes me feel like a child who needs to be taken on a walk in order to get a movement out of a tired body.

The good news is, the walk gets done. Not 5-6 days a week like I want, but at least 3.

So back to the progress, I've had breakfast like 3 or 4 days in a row now. That's important because I'm having terrible mood swings and I'm no fun to be around. Breakfast helps regulate the bloodsugar first thing so the swings aren't so far. Case in point... I let my kids out to play in the snow today... even though I hate the snow and cold. Ya, I know, absurd. But I do that. It's like mom asking me to put socks on my feet 'cuz she's cold. Except to higher rediculous hights. I don't want to so they don't get to. Pathetic.

Anyway, we're working on meals that are easy and tastey and allergy free. Tall order if you ask me. But in a few more weeks, after I've been better to my body, this post will be a blur and I won't remember how I felt when I wrote it, just like I can't remember more than half of this year's events or my neighbors' names when I'm under stress. Except, it will be a good "I can't remember" and my mood will be more acceptable.

I'm looking forward to celebrating the first night of Hanukah tonight. Just for fun. With any luck, in years to come, I'll remember that I did this for my kids...